This entry after more than an year. Its not that i have stopped writing. I am kind of incapable of that it seems. Its the way i just judge my sanity or the opposite. Poetry has been the only outlet, i did start doodling something with colors earlier but i seem to have lost a penchant for that.
So, yeah. What made me write? Maybe the fact that all day at work I am writing non-sense on automobiles, soccer and some other irrelevant stuff. I need to feel a bit more productive. Though that rambling helps me make money, but it is highly boring and pale. I don't want to be stuck in that. I am kind of liking it there now, and this is it how it starts isn't it? You start liking that shithole. It makes you feel comfortable and getting paid for procrastination does change your mind. There were things I wanted to do, i am doing them still. Or maybe its a lie i tell to console myself. I am reading, I have started Mrs. Dalloway. Watching movies is going pretty fine too. Like yesterday I saw City of God (its pretty amazing, i think they should add that to our course. Will be a nice take on communism) and today 'Its Kind of a Funny Story', the story in itself is a bit mainstream, but was told wonderfully. It tried bringing back the grayness of psychiatric wards in a peachy jovial way. Times in cinema have also changed, there was 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest', and now it's a child under depression due to peer pressure. I mean, SERIOUSLY? The edge or say the breaking point, the entropy level has fallen to mundane and capitalized duties that they take up as loyalties to deify themselves.
So, yeah. What made me write? Maybe the fact that all day at work I am writing non-sense on automobiles, soccer and some other irrelevant stuff. I need to feel a bit more productive. Though that rambling helps me make money, but it is highly boring and pale. I don't want to be stuck in that. I am kind of liking it there now, and this is it how it starts isn't it? You start liking that shithole. It makes you feel comfortable and getting paid for procrastination does change your mind. There were things I wanted to do, i am doing them still. Or maybe its a lie i tell to console myself. I am reading, I have started Mrs. Dalloway. Watching movies is going pretty fine too. Like yesterday I saw City of God (its pretty amazing, i think they should add that to our course. Will be a nice take on communism) and today 'Its Kind of a Funny Story', the story in itself is a bit mainstream, but was told wonderfully. It tried bringing back the grayness of psychiatric wards in a peachy jovial way. Times in cinema have also changed, there was 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest', and now it's a child under depression due to peer pressure. I mean, SERIOUSLY? The edge or say the breaking point, the entropy level has fallen to mundane and capitalized duties that they take up as loyalties to deify themselves.
Stories that my parents tell me, do move me and make me think of the shifting parameters. But i have always compared times and cultures through cinema. 'Girl Interrupted' wasn't so long back, but the reason it was so wonderful then and what it conveyed and propagated is too mainstream now. Cutting yourself has become a trend and trying to commit suicide is a way of getting away. Nobody has a real reason anymore. Norman fucking Bates didn't try to kill himself, THAT was being freaking messed up, not whining over some douche you left because he asked for sex (no, seriously there are some people like that). I don't even want to start on the feminist front.
I agree that issues today are different. Yes, some people are really trying to keep it up and catch up to whatever state of happiness or stability suits their mental frame.
Anyways, the point was that has it become mainstream to hate a 9 to 5 job? Yes, i don't like the environment. Mainly because i belittle them, and the highlight of their conversations make me nauseous. I see the way they smile and laugh, making all those faces that scream " I WISH I HAD DONE SOMETHING BETTER". They are practically on the verge of zombying out. I think this is what the greater minds of our generation predicted a Zombie Apocalypse to be like. The leviathans (wrt Supernatural Season 7) will feed drugged cornflour to masses and turn them into fat incomprehensible vegetative beings. But when i go there, I make my own jokes and have people laugh at them. Its amusing how malleable they are. The whole point of this discussion is, Why am I getting comfortable? Is this how human mind is supposed to react when it finds itself in a group of people, indulging in an occupation? But there is no sense of familiarization or comfort that I share with them. . I will have to think more about it.
Now, sex! I am at the peak of my desperation. I have never been without it for more than two months and that limit is crossed. I am having dreams and wild imaginations. its horny, slutty, gruesome and bloody. Ah! that reminds me of my renewed fascination with blood. i don't plan on cutting myself of course, the act makes the thrill too dark. So, for this revival a guy is to blamed. He heard my stories and told me his. So, passion and fascination with wounds was overlapping. My relationships have always been strange. When a man and a woman generally converse they find common interests like music, art, dance or may be even some fantasies .
(But then again, I judge myself for this cheap indulgence I want to enjoy. My real charm for wounds can only be tested when I get a real one. The kind that lands you in a hospital or gets you stitches. This particularly hasn't happened so I'd stick with a safer word for my 'peculiar interest' in wounds and blood.)
So, with this man I share this peculiar interest. And like normal people wanting to experience similar interests, I want to do so too. I want to have an intoxicating crimson evening with this man.
Let's see if this materializes. But if it does..oh my my!
:D
I agree that issues today are different. Yes, some people are really trying to keep it up and catch up to whatever state of happiness or stability suits their mental frame.
Anyways, the point was that has it become mainstream to hate a 9 to 5 job? Yes, i don't like the environment. Mainly because i belittle them, and the highlight of their conversations make me nauseous. I see the way they smile and laugh, making all those faces that scream " I WISH I HAD DONE SOMETHING BETTER". They are practically on the verge of zombying out. I think this is what the greater minds of our generation predicted a Zombie Apocalypse to be like. The leviathans (wrt Supernatural Season 7) will feed drugged cornflour to masses and turn them into fat incomprehensible vegetative beings. But when i go there, I make my own jokes and have people laugh at them. Its amusing how malleable they are. The whole point of this discussion is, Why am I getting comfortable? Is this how human mind is supposed to react when it finds itself in a group of people, indulging in an occupation? But there is no sense of familiarization or comfort that I share with them. . I will have to think more about it.
Now, sex! I am at the peak of my desperation. I have never been without it for more than two months and that limit is crossed. I am having dreams and wild imaginations. its horny, slutty, gruesome and bloody. Ah! that reminds me of my renewed fascination with blood. i don't plan on cutting myself of course, the act makes the thrill too dark. So, for this revival a guy is to blamed. He heard my stories and told me his. So, passion and fascination with wounds was overlapping. My relationships have always been strange. When a man and a woman generally converse they find common interests like music, art, dance or may be even some fantasies .
(But then again, I judge myself for this cheap indulgence I want to enjoy. My real charm for wounds can only be tested when I get a real one. The kind that lands you in a hospital or gets you stitches. This particularly hasn't happened so I'd stick with a safer word for my 'peculiar interest' in wounds and blood.)
So, with this man I share this peculiar interest. And like normal people wanting to experience similar interests, I want to do so too. I want to have an intoxicating crimson evening with this man.
Let's see if this materializes. But if it does..oh my my!
:D
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