Vivid.

"But the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view

And we'll live a long life

So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light

Cause oh they gave me such a fright

But I will hold as long as you like

Just promise me we'll be alright"

A sad song, playing behind our warm and moist hands. Summers fall sharp in this city, though rain wins all, and winter leaves cold scars. Memories exists in the faint smell of her skin and is affirmed by a remembrance of her regular assuring touches. Lingering sounds of laughter and sighs, beauty of absence is its strength and ability to make us day dream.

Surreal, this is how it feels. Recalling our spoils and ruins. But tonight, after a very long time, she is right here with me. There is a colorful vividness in the air, its blue and gray. So, i take her hand around my arm and walk. My heart is filled with love, the strong powerful and ever lasting one. The beauty is that, all this seems nothing more than just a part of a dream. A long fulfilling colorful dream, I might wake up, or die here. The facts don't matter. At times my vision blurs, and her touch revives me back.

"Remember that time when we bought a house together, faintly yellow it was. I tried letting you settle in, but it was haunted by the woman you loved before me. Anyways, when we are done we can see that abandoned shrine again, where you gave up the hope of permanency."

I smile and nod. She remembers the place, I remember how free that commitment was, the one of never going in again. Neither to the beautiful convenience nor to my satisfying lover.

"If you become that man you said you will, I will come visit you. We will make love in unisex washrooms, and let people wonder where your secret lies. If you do not become the man you said you will, I will come visit you. We will go to our favorite places, cry a little, hug, and go home."

I wish I become the man I believe in. The road ahead seems slightly blur and famished, it requires feeding and dreaming. My eyes are  not sore yet, but when she held my hand tightly towards the end, I felt scared.

"I love you. What do you think of drowning? I think that must be satisfying, a relief of getting rid of emptiness. You know I read somewhere that suicide is the ultimate act of genius. It might be, but what is dying really? Aren't we dead already."

Since her question, colors became more vivid. And her hand started slipping, did that mean we were already floating, dying? Or did it mean that it must be quite a relief. I am losing comprehension, but she talks anyways. I love her.

" I am too scared, love. This will never end. I might sit in the throne of your/my ambitions, I might become the woman who found an answer. But this will never end. Come with me, love. Its all way too tiring. The roads, the clouds, the rain, the heat, the chill, the hunger, why don't we step into the water and forget."

My grip tightens, surprisingly I don't refuse her invitation  It really is too tiring, though I want that throne, but its really very hard to refuse her. So I follow as she leads me to safety.

A smile and shivers...I have never woken up from a dream like this.