A Fair Deal.

After precisely 16 days, I am here, in front of this screen and a keyboard which is like a dose of sanity (or maybe insanity) to which I keep coming back. Too which I owe an honesty, a price for liberation and a duty. But I wonder now, liberation from what, because now, in this moment I have the best of life. But still there are these traces of sensitivity, reminders of vulnerability that make me seek the shelter of these words. Words, my words. I haven't written a poem in long now, which is making me feel slightly disconnected, poems come out of intensities and impulses, I guess I am waiting for one or have ignored some before.
So here it goes, I guess.



A saw, I took a chain saw
Plugged it in and turned on the switch
Cut off my left foot. Blood splattering
On the walls, the sheet, the plastic
Her statuette and my body.
Wrapped it up, and gave it to her
Hoping she will give what is promised
A fair deal.

A knife, I took a very sharp blade
Placed two of my fingers on the wooden board
One shot. Shouldn't be more. Blood flows
Drops where the foot should've been.
My needs and her promises.
I don't want much tonight.
These two will be enough a price.
A fair deal.

I need them, a bit like how they need me.
To hear different things. Tell different stories.
Stare differently. Laugh at me differently.
Every woman, I held in my arms was provided
Provided and taught. Taught to talk back
And subvert when desired. She gave me warmth
Dusted around the corrosive falls of my mind.
A fair deal.

They have a price. Have to take something
From me, which is mine. I give them
This body, which I can't feel.
Give them parts to devour and keep going
Fuel up and love me all over.
They like flesh, everybody likes flesh
They serve, as long as I serve
A fair deal.