More than Just Three Years.

I cannot help but cry and cry louder after I go through my 1,312 pictures which are all from this one place, College. MY college, MY Kamala Nehru. I always thought before leaving that I will embrace new experiences and everything in life, at the end, it is just a phase and  one HAS TO pass for another to come. But oh god, this was not a phase. These three years were way too much than a phase. They added the beautiful silhouette to my body, the deep fissures in my brain and the rare power to my voice. Living with 40 odd women everyday and speaking through our bodies and minds like there was not a care in the world. Like the world and universe within the premises of my college was the safest and the most liberating place in the world. Studying, not with just these hands and fingers, but through my existence as woman. Staying and breathing the air of a place that I never thought will become the most special and exclusive for me. I ACTUALLY have to struggle to write, because my hands are trembling and my eyes can't stop crying. It literally picked me up, pulled me out, fucked me up and gave a new birth. but enough about the education.

MY FRIENDS. Oh god please, let me live those afternoons once again when we would lie on our grass studded backs and talk mindlessly about sex. My women's sex life, about which I knew as well as mine. The warm feminine hugs, the touch and the most warm places in this world. The embraces in which I spent my three years so smoothly. The creative and philosophical struggles, the perfect music we'd find for it. And alcohol, which was the temporary solution to everything. And winters, I can never ever spend my winters any better in any part of the world. Because in those hours, and amongst those sweethearts we'd travel through spaces and dimensions of decades of womanhood. From the childish lovers to wandering bodies, from long curly tresses to short ones, from seniors that were epitome of a future we couldn't wait to be in to our own farewells, from transforming into gorgeous women to never forgetting the ugly little girls within us. The endless Nescafe talks and an all-time willingness to take pictures. My heart is still breathing that air and is not ready to come out of the place where I found companions for life. Realizations, hundreds and thousands of them spread across three years. Realizing that vanity is not a vice, its just being beautiful and enjoying your own skin (the reason why our post-grad mates always think we are over dressed), realizing that the most beautiful friendship is the one shared between women, realizing that anxieties of our heart doesn't shy away from falling on a caring friend. Realizing that I can never be alone in my battles and that no matter how low I fall or how high I rise my women will always be with me. Going to JLF, and dressing up as the hottest chicks in town and smoking up to our hearts content, and listening to Saumya sing. Feeling the utmost comfort in their company. Even bathing in the tub while three of your friends perform a short dance routine in the bathroom. Holding hands while crossing roads and strong grips while picking a drunkard off the road. Playing with hair and bodies like they weren't too separate from ours, and a special bond that is shared only with the same music lover.

I am in a great place right now, my dream college. Where I worked so hard to reach, but I have never missed my College so much. I have never missed Surbhi's warm lap to sleep much more than I do now. I have never missed Sukriti's 'unintentionally condescending look' as I do when I see how people dress there (AND GADI BHI). I have never missed Akki's abrupt and indefinite sense of humor which knew no bounds of social embarrassment, neither have I missed Mannu's soothing assurance "are kya hogaya, theek hai, chill maar" more than right now. Or Naireeta's loud break throughs in class and those highly relieving long talks. I terribly miss Ankita's stupid lingo, because it made me laugh nevertheless, and the quiet understanding between me and Tina. Never did I think I will miss Shivani and group's giggling behind my seat like I do when I am in class. I miss stepping into the staff-room and feeling like I am not in a strange place but in a room where mother-like figures and mentors occupy space.

I might be pms-ing, and that gives me all the more reason to be around my friends in college. But this will never go away, every time I wear the t-shirt/sweatshirt I will cry proud tears, as the place I turned into a woman was the most enchanting of all. And every time I come across anything even remotely related to College, I will burst out crying.